Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Quote of the day: 'All that you seek you already have within you.'

Practically every year finding love is at the top of Americans’ list of resolutions for the New Year. That’s the good news. The bad news is that most Americans are looking for love in all the wrong places.

The way I see it, the definition of love should not be limited to romantic love alone. Love is more than a sentiment. Love is a way of being. The broader definition of love should also be a longing for experiencing a life of fulfillment, purpose, meaning, inner peace, fulfillment, real joy and self-worth. After all, everything we do is to either experience more love and fulfillment or to compensate for the lack of it.

Some people have been willing to go under the knife, and endure excruciating pain, to change their looks (hoping the mirror will still be kind just a little longer and gravity will not take its toll anytime soon). Some people have deprived themselves of food while on the quest for attaining the perfect body. They have been willing to go into huge debt and endure the worst kind of pain and humiliation that comes from compromising one’s integrity and selling their soul just to support a life-style and status they couldn’t afford. Some even ignored and deprived the biggest part of their Self, their spirit, which allows them to experience all the very things they set out to attain in the first place. In short, you name it and they endured just about anything in their quest for love.

Even for those who were able to achieve material success, it was only a hollow victory since no amount of money, good looks, status and/or trophies could fill up the void inside which was created by a malnourished spirit. They too discovered that “when you get there, there is no “there” there,” and that external riches don’t necessarily have the power to give us internal riches (“real love” defined as fulfillment, purpose, meaning, inner peace, real joy and self-worth) that we are desperately seeking. At best they were flirting with the illusion of love rather than experiencing the real deal.

In a “more is better” culture where vanity, and not virtue, is worshipped (consider the growing trend of reality TV shows such as “For Love or Money”) it’s easy to understand why we have been looking for love in all the wrong places. Yet surprisingly, we have ignored the fact that the natural state of our spirit is love, which is the driving force behind all creation. Hollywood stars, the media and multi-billion dollar industries have all brainwashed us to believe that we are simply not adequate, worthy or good enough to be loved just the way we are and that it is only “He with the most toys, and not joy, lives.” The reality is that finding true love should not be either painful and/or costly. You can find true love (in the broader definition) no matter what you have been brainwashed to believe. First you must recognize that you are a spiritual being first, having a human experience (and not the other way around) and therefore, your natural state of being is love. As such you were meant to live a life of meaning, purpose, fulfillment, real joy, inner peace, and abundance by reconnecting with your spiritual roots (living in harmony with universal laws characterized by integrity, giving and the honoring of all living things). We can’t truly be happy and fulfilled without the element of giving. Real joy comes from making a meaningful difference in people’s lives, when money and power are used as useful tools to help make a difference.

Next time you are tempted to look for “love” in all the wrong places, consider the definition of real love. Most importantly remember that all that you seek is not “somewhere out there,” but rather it is already within you. All you have to do is recognize it and enjoy it while you can.

About The Author

Copyright © 2004-2005, Geela
Author of “The American Dream”
http://www.Geela.com

Geela is an award winning singer/songwriter/composer, columnist, and author of the best-selling book “THE AMERICAN DREAM,” her true- life story of how she came to America as a young immigrant with nothing and overcame incredible obstacles to achieve mega-success. She founded ONE SPIRIT, ONE WORLD to help children and promote a culture of peace and harmony. Get a free sample of her music and her book at http://www.Geela.com.

Guys Love What Women Don't

by: Ed Williams

Remember last week’s column when I talked about that annoying little habit women have of wanting to eat food off a man’s plate when they’re out with one of us at a restaurant? Well, I had a certain lady write me an email in response, and she told me that she somewhat agreed with me re what I was saying, but, added that it really didn’t matter too much as, “...getting upset about us eating food off a man’s plate is strictly a guy’s thing. It‘s no big deal to us.”

A guy’s thing. I’ve heard that terminology since back in high school when I first started dating. What it refers to is the fact that there are just some things that men like that women don’t. Those little things that separate the sexes, and make them what they are. And, after thinking for a good twenty seconds, I’m gonna be kind enough to list what some of the major “guy’s things” are:

1. The Three Stooges - For some unknown reason, guys love the Stooges and women don’t. What’s not to love? They exhibited some of the greatest physical comedy ever, and some of their sayings were priceless. Remember some of these routines:

Curly: “Whatja say?”

Moe: *gives Curly a two-finger eye poke*

Curly: “That’s what I thought ya said.”

Or:

Shemp: (Looking into a mirror) “There I yam - and as pretty as a picture.”

Moe: “Yeah. Of an ape.” (Then slaps Shemp hard).

Isn’t that great? I’ll bet lots of you guys out there are laughing out loud. On the other hand, I’ll bet that most of you ladies are saying, “I just don’t get it, I never thought the Stooges were all that funny.” This is a great first example of a “guy’s thing.” But there’s plenty more.

2. Mountain Dew - Diet Mountain Dew is my favorite soft drink in the world. I love its mellow, citrus based taste, and it has more caffeine in it than any other soft drink. But, what I’ve discovered is, try offering one to a woman. For some unknown reason, experience has taught me that eight out of ten women will turn a Mountain Dew down, saying, “I just don’t like it.” What’s not to like? It tastes good, keeps you awake, and it looks the same leaving your body as when it went in. A totally useful product.

3. Burping loudly - I’m not going to say anything else here or I’ll get in trouble, but just suffice it to say that most men get a big kick out of this, and all women despise it. No one ever said that Mother Nature is always pretty, you know.

4. Hating ties - Any man that has a testosterone count higher than Liberace hates neck ties. Absolutely despises them. They had to be invented by a fervent man-hater - the problem is, women love for you to wear one just as badly as you hate doing so. I’d rather spend a Saturday poisoning wasp nests than to wear a neck tie to a formal social function. Unfortunately, the women in our lives can give you pretty convincing reasons to wear one, so, we have to do it. But it still stinks like a dead frog in the hot sun, though.

5. Not wanting to use strange toilets - For some reason, women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation. Conversely, most men hate using a strange toilet. For us, images of mutant bacteria that could eat whole cows alive live on those toilet seats. I’ve even resisted going to the bathroom instead of being forced to use a strange one. Honestly, I think most of you ladies out there need to rethink this one.

And there you have it. Some of the most well known “guy’s things” there are. Probably, if I’m guessing right, I’d say that some of you ladies out there might want equal time, maybe a future column about “gal’s things.” The only thing is, I’m not biologically qualified to write it. My suggestion would be to contact my good friend, columnist Amy Eason (www.amy-eason.com). Tell her I wrote a column about guy’s things, and that you think a response is in order. That’ll get her back up enough that I’ll guarantee you she’ll produce a wonderful, women friendly masterpiece for all you ladies...

About The Author

Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.

Lonely Expats Looking For Love

AMSTERDAM —Being an expat in a foreign country where you don't speak the language is hard at the best of times. And if you're single with the most romantic day of the year looming, what do you do?

You could sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, but the modern expat in Europe is turning to exciting new ways of finding Mr or Mrs Right before February 14.

One way is through SpeedDating, where you get 25 different three-minute dates in one evening.

SpeedDating was nothing more than a fad in cities such as London and New York, but for expats in Europe, it's proving to be a lifesaver come February 14.

Many single expats find SpeedDating an attractive, safe and efficient alternative to the superficial bar scene and torturous three-hour blind dates.

A Valentine's edition of Expatica SpeedDate, in central Amsterdam, has proved so popular that people are queuing up just to be on the reserve list.

Although the concept was intended for English-speaking expatriates, more and more locals are looking to meet interesting international people.

But, is three minutes enough? Can you really meet Mr or Mrs Right? And if so, will it develop into a long-term relationship?

The answer to all three questions was " yes " for Canadian expat Jay Parker* who met Australian Monique Frey* at an Expatica SpeedDate evening in Amsterdam in 2002 -- and is about to get married. The happy couple now lives in Canada and last told Expatica they are busy in “wedding planning mode”.

For those not quite bold enough to launch themselves into a room with complete strangers, an ever-increasing way of finding love is online. Match.com is the largest of the online dating sites, but it's not a great deal of use if, for example, you’re an American living in Paris.

Enter Expatica.com - which runs Europe's largest online dating service for expats. With over 6,000 profiles online, Expatica Date provides a platform for lonely expats to meet up in a foreign land.

And the site appears to be doing the trick - Expatica often receives emails from happy couples boasting how they met on the site.

So, for those seeking romance for Valentines, there is help out there—if you’re willing to post a profile online or blind date 25 people in one evening.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy

[Copyright Expatica News 2005]

For more information on this article, please contact:

Colleen Geske
Marketing Manager
1098 SM Amsterdam
colleen.geske@expatica.com
+31-20-888-4297

e-Matchmaking: Can a Computer Program Find Love For You?

by: Devlyn Steele

I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a "perfect match" for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single - gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.

The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you're done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do.

Remember the Broadway play “Fiddler on The Roof”? You might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was “matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…” The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.

But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that “playing with matches, a girl can get burned”.

So, do these tests really work?

Personality tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types of tests. “The Big Five” theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a foundation. Others go the “Big Three” route, which does away with the “openness” and “agreeableness” dimensions - mostly because it’s easier to remember.

I joke a little about these theories, but the truth is that they’ve survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex person. That’s a tall order.

People have impulsive behavior that simply can’t be measured when they’re sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life situations can be far different than we’d expect.

Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who’s empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful – and yet we’re not attracted. Often we can’t explain why we like another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile – even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.

Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer program can’t solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, “the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed”. It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.

If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that isn’t trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.

Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don’t expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right relationship.

Next time you’re brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that amazing person? That’s your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person for you.

About The Author

Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of ToolsToLife.com. His new program OnlineDatingKit.com teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own. coachsteele@toolstolife.com

God's Abiding Love

by: Neale Donald Walsch

People often ask me what are the most important things that I have gotten from the Conversations with God material.

I think the most important thing I have gotten out of the books was a deep sense of God's abiding love. I have learned in an extraordinary way of God's unremitting, unconditional love and total acceptance of us... even the worst of us. This came through to me even as I was "writing" the books by the bare fact that I was writing them. I mean, by the earthly standards of many people (including my own), I am the last person who deserves to have been chosen to put this information into a series of books. Yet I was chosen, and I have put it into book form. So by that measure alone, I am clear that God loves without condition; that God rejects not even the least or the worst of us, and that all we need do to understand and experience that salvation is to accept it, claim it, honor it, and hold it as true.

Now there are those who disagree with me. Many, in fact, who do. They say that God's word and God's law and God's love is worthless and pointless if there was no such thing as the possibility of God's rejection. They say that the only way to God is through obedience to God's commands, adherence to God's laws, and - in some theological constructions - acceptance of God's Son. Failure to do any or all of these things means certain damnation, they say, and we'd better be aware of that, and ready for it, because we'll get what's "coming to us" if we don't watch out. In fact, we not only had better watch out, we'd better not cry. We'd better not pout... I'm tellin' you why...

Oh... sorry... that's a different myth. You see? Every myth we create, we create around a system of Judgment; around a construction of Reward and Punishment. It is inconceivable to us that there is a being in the Universe - in Reality or in Mythology - who could accept us just the way we are, and just the way we choose to be.

That is because we cannot believe in the ultimate purpose of life. We believe that the purpose of life is to follow God's law, do as God wants, and, essentially, please God. Yet pleasing God is not the purpose of life. Only an egomaniacal deity would create beings whose essential purpose was to please Him. And only an insane egomaniac would then add such treachery and misery to the mix as life contains in order to make it virtually guaranteed that his created beings would stumble and fall. And only an incredibly cruel insane egomaniac would go further, saying it doesn't matter whether they fall or not, because they have already fallen! Before birth!

As improbable as this scheme might seem, that is the theological construction which millions upon millions of people have laid upon their so-called "loving" God. So I think the most important thing the books have done for me and do for me daily, is free me from the shackles of a belief in an angry, vindictive, judgmental God. I am now more open to creating my life as I want it, not as I imagined it had to be.

The second most important thing I've learned from the books is that there is only one reason to do a thing - anything - and that is to be and to decide, to create and fulfill, Who I Really Am, and Who I now Choose to Be. You see, I thought there were all sorts of reasons that I was supposed to do this or that. My father told me. The world expects it of me, God demands it of me. Whatever. Now I'm clear that God demands nothing, the world's expectations are distorted and misplaced, and my father's orders no longer need to be followed.

The ironic part of all this is that I am now acting more in accordance with what the old teachings asked of me than I was when I was told to act that way, or else. In other words, I am finding that "being good" (whatever "good" means) feels...well...good...when it isn't having to be done because I'll be condemned if I don't.

Put another way, I tend to rise to higher expectations of me, and aspirations for me, when these expectations and aspirations are mine, not someone else's. This is a Great Secret which God understands, but which Man refuses to believe: we are basically Good...not basically bad. We do not need an angry, vindictive, punishing God to scare us into doing what is "right," act in the interests of others, or "show up" grandly. Our basic nature - human nature - is loving and kind. We are taught greed. We are taught fear. We are taught ugliness, prejudice, violence. We are LOVE... and we are taught to be something else!

About The Author

Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. With an early interest in religion and a deeply felt connection to spirituality, Neale spent the majority of his life thriving professionally, yet searching for spiritual meaning before beginning his now famous conversation with God. His With God series of books has been translated into 27 languages, touching millions of lives and inspiring important changes in their day-to-day lives.

Click on link below to find out more about Neale Donald Walsch:
http://www.infinitehealth.net/speakers-organizations/neale-donald-walsch.aspx
info@infinitehealth.net